BIBLE STORIES RETOLD BY YOUNG SCHOLARS AROUND THE WORLD

The jewels found below are said to be written by actual students and are
genuine, authentic, and unretouched.  Compiled by Richard Lederer, they
first appeared in the 31 Dec 1995 issue of National Review.




"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating
the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an
apple tree.

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals
came on to in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night."

"The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble
with the unsympathetic Genitals.

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like
Delilah.

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles."

"Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread,
which is bread made without any ingredients.  The Egyptians were all
drowned in the dessert.  Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to
get the Ten Amendments".

"The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.  The
Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother.  The Seventh
Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery."

"Moses died before he ever reached Canada.  Then Joshua led the Hebrews
in the battle of Geritol.  The greatest miracle in the Bible was when
Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him."

"David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.  He fought with
the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon,
one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines."