Redneck Etiquette

 Tips for Rednecks
 - While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
   should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

 - Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
   they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the
   tastes of finger foods.

 DINING OUT...
 - If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with
   your fingers covering the label.

 ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME...
 - A centerpiece for the table should never be anything
   prepared by a taxidermist.

 DATING (Outside the Family)...
 - Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the
   first date.

 - Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.
   Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the
   latter is the answer, it is the boy's responsibility to get
   her to school on time.

 THEATER ETIQUETTE...
 - Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
   immediately after the movie has ended.

 WEDDING ETIQUETTE...
 - Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

 - Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this
   special occasion.

 DRIVING ETIQUETTE...
 - Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the
   gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

 - When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
   largest tires always has the right of way.

 - When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
   impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

 TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS...
 - Never take a beer to a job interview.

 - Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

 - If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

 - Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it
   is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral
   home.